it was like having sex with a tree stump
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
