I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
