you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
