She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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