All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
