I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
