and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
