I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
worst night to have a conscience
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
