He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
