Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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