I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
