I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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