you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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