Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
