dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
