Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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