Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
