My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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