Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
