Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
