bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
