The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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