yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
