Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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