Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
