Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
