new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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