Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
