The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
