Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
