Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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