Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
