Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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