Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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