i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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