I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
