her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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