Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
