shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
