So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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