I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
