plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
