I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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