oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
