I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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