"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
