Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
