dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
