Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
