No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
