filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
