the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
BRING THE BAGELS
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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